Learning Gentleness

Lately we’ve been peppered with images of police and mob violence. It’s enough to make us begin to feel a bit pugnacious ourselves. We either look for people to slug or, if you’re like me, you look for people to mentally destroy. It starts to feel like we live in world where, as the Psalmist writes, “I am for peace: but when I speakthey are for war” (Psalm 120:7

All of this has been timed in my life in an interesting way. I am currently in a season where I get to spend a lot of time with a little baby, my son Samuel! He likes to spend his day toddling about and playing with his toys. He doesn’t speak much, but he knows how to get his daddy to answer him. So I am learning to be gentler than I knew I could be.

At the same time, I’m learning that God is gentler than I knew him to be. As David once wrote, “your gentleness has made me great” (Psalm 18:35). The prophet Jeremiah writes, “The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22:23).  Jesus himself says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30). 

We live in a world where the since of meaninglessness, despair, lawlessness, and hopelessness tempts us to smash things. We either look into the heavens to dodge God’s thunderbolts or we foolishly in our hearts that there is no God (Psalm 14:1). But there is really good news. God does exist, and he loves us beyond our wildest dreams. The Lord is our Father and infinitely kind and merciful. But what he wants is faith, trust, hope in him. As we get to know his love, we can even learn to call him daddy like a small child. This is the answer to all our fears, our agression, our pride, our hopelessness. And we can experience this love more and more each day by simply meditating on his word (Psalm 1) and asking him to pour it into our hearts (Ephesians 3:14-19).

So don’t lose heart, my friends. Jesus can turn all your deslote places into springs of water. Just gently place your trust in him and peacefully, humbly learn to take up his yoke.

You have offended me

I have noticed that the phrase, “you have offended me,” now is often treated as an unassailable trump card. Once this phrase is used, the person who has wielded it seems to have won. The offender has nothing much he can say except ask exactly how he offended or to seek to apologize for his affront, maybe do a little grovelling. In truth, this accusation often kills a discussion or seeks to win points by attacking a person’s character. If we can establish the other person as evil, well, what more is needed than that?

Why is this offense card so powerful in our society? Harry Frankfurt in his book On Inequality suggests that when people feel denied respect in some way, and respond emotionally, it is because they fear, “the unbearably deep suffering and dread that may be caused when people are treated unjustly.” Further, he suggests they feel that “their personal reality is threatened by a denial of the importance that is required by respect.” Our society, too, is colored by the fear of injustices that come from our past such as racism , slavery, homophobia, oppression of women, and so on. It is important to recognize many injustices have happened in the past and still do today, so we do not repeat them. This history colors the thoughts of many people, leading them to view the world in terms of oppressors and oppressed, victors and victims.

Further, many people wrap their sense of identity firmly around a variety of ideas, emotions, and desires.  Perhaps that is a racial, cultural, sexual, ideological, or religious identity.  Many also have past traumas from unbearably evil experiences. And so often we are taught that if we just pursue being ourselves in a way that flows genuinely from our emotions, then we will be living authentic lives. Then something horrible happens;  all this gets tripped up when others present ideas, arguments, or facts that contradict our sense of ourselves; it looks like the other person is trampling on our very existence.

I’m honestly often at a loss about how to convey the empathy that many people need in this cold, cruel world while at the same time having a reasonable discussion about important issues, especially ones that tend to push our cultural buttons. I don’t want anyone to feel the “unbearably deep suffering and dread that may be caused when someone is treated unjustly.” We generally ought to respect other people even when we disagree. It is also true that, whoever we are, we need to beware of playing the victim card. Once we are victims, we are essentially giving other people great authority to determine our destinies. Also, as the psychologist Jonathan Haidt has pointed out, small traumas are good for the traumatized, so people should not be sheltered from offensive or challenging ideas.

Instead of identifying as a victim and playing up how we feel offended, we should arm ourselves with information. This information should address both sides of the argument. If your position is essentially an emotional position with a few tidbits here and there thrown in from personal experiences and studies, maybe the reason you feel so offended and fragile is that you don’t know enough. Thus alternative arguments and facts appear to obliterate your entire position. And this makes you feel like your entire identity is being threatened. But as it is written, the truth will set you free. Press into the truth and you will avoid the sense that your personal reality is always being threatened.

Photo by Ruth Caron on Unsplash

My pursuit of meaning

Are human beings primarily on a quest for power? Or do we mainly search for pleasure? If you look around at people, it looks a lot like we are power or pleasure-seeking beings. But what if these pursuits are misguided ditches? What if they are broken cisterns that can hold no water? I would argue that these are misguided quests that people fall into when they get disconnected from their sense of purpose in life. The sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve are essentially wired to seek meaning; everything else is just playing in the muck.

The sons of Adam and the daughters of Eve are essentially wired to seek meaning; everything else is just playing in the muck.

I’m not the first person to claim this.  Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl devoted much of his life to arguing this idea, making the case that a good deal of  mental illness today stems from a spiritual condition, a void of meaning in our lives.  This happens when we have grown disconnected from our spiritual and religious roots.  It is cliche for people to go off to secular college and abandon religious teaching.  They are taught in science class that human beings are mere oxidation machines or as Richard Dawkins puts it “DNA propagation machines.” But Frankl thinks the spiritual side of man can never be reduced to the physical.  If we do, it’s like the famous bed of Procrustes.  Procrustes was a giant in Greek mythology who would take you into his house and put you on his bed.  If you were too short, he would stretch you out to fit the bed. If you were too long, he would cut off your legs. The materialist view of the world does this to all of us, mainly by chopping out our souls.  But if you think about it, even the concept of meaning cannot be explained on materialistic grounds.  How can one bit of matter give meaning to another?  It takes a mind to have meaning, and mind like meaning cannot be reduced to the physical.

According to Frankl, the spiritual side of man can never be reduced to the physical.

Frankl believes that meaning has to come from outside of us.  Therefore, we aren’t meant to seek happiness within ourselves.  Happiness is more of a bi-product of finding meaning.  The popular psychologist, Jordan Peterson, a disciple of Frankl, argues the same.  Frankl points out that a personal source of meaning, such as the God of Judeo-Christianity, appears to be the best source of ultimate meaning.  But in his form of therapy (logotherapy), he doesn’t insist that his patients accept theism (belief in God).  Studies find that if people find any meaning outside themselves, it helps them.  But as proponent of Christianity and a thinker, I would point out that if a view lacks intellectual integrity, it will be like the famous parable of Jesus about building one’s house on the sand.  When the rain and the wind comes, if there is no solid foundation, the house will get blown down and wash away.

Studies find that if people find any kind of meaning outside themselves, it helps them.

I’ve always been sensitive to this quest for meaning for some reason.  When I was a teenager, my parents tried to get me to read the gospels and take interest in religion, but I had little interest.  I did, however, begin to develop this sense that life was meaningless apart from God.  This struggle peeked with a spiritual experience with Jesus that reversed my course.  It also gave me an instant understanding of where meaning comes from.  It comes from a transcendent, personal God.

You see, if meaning only comes from our minds and has no transcendent reference point, then there actually is no meaning.  We are stuck trying to scrawl our faint fairytales on the dry erase board of the universe, and each stroke disappears as soon as we write it. But if we can discover meaning that is really there, it can transform us.  If you have ever struggled to find meaning in life, it may be because you have squelched the voice of meaning deep within you.  Perhaps you have let other people convince you that life itself or many parts of life are meaningless.  The only way out of the darkness is to expose yourself again to real meaning, even if that risks discovery by a meaning-maker. Just like many of the subjects in Frankl’s book, you may find that while you thought you were chasing meaning, meaning was really chasing you all along.  “But with unhurried chase, and unperturbed pace” like Francis Thompson’s Hound of Heaven. Meaning comes on with “deliberate speed and majestic instancy.”  Hold tight. Meaning is coming.


A note on conspiracy theories

The internet has added much richness to our lives. We have access to excellent information at the click of a button. At the same time, we have access to bogus information at the click of a button. Sometimes our information gathering online devolves into an attempt to connect all the dots.  And this can lead to an obsession with conspiracy theories and a barrage of reckless accusations.

I wrote an article on this a while ago here.  This is a little followup.  I only have three points in this article.  1) Make sure your information is accurate; 2) make sure you have sufficient information; and 3) make sure you reason correctly about your information.

To make sure our information is accurate, we’ve got to do a little digging.  If you are looking at statistics, make sure the study is not a univariate analysis.  What in the world is that?  A univariate analysis is a study that tries to show that only one thing caused other things to happen while neglecting other factors.  If you suspect that one thing (such as racism) causes a lot of other things, you should dig through the social science until you have an accurate sense of what is what.  There are many studies available on the internet now, but you must search through them.  Also, you should look at the samples from various studies. Did they only use people of a particularly high socio-economic bracket?  Did they only phone people who live in Washington D.C. or San Francisco?  That can lead to faulty information.

We also have to have sufficient information to make a judgment.  The more accurate information we have, the more certain we can be.  If we have just a little information, we should only hold tentative conclusions.  Or we can be completely agnostic. A friend of mine was explaining that cell-phone towers are destroying our testosterone counts. But he didn’t know why that was true on a scientific level. I’ve seen many clips of celebrities and other commentators saying that half of America is racist for voting for Trump. How do they know that? Do they have enough information and does that information logically lead to their conclusions?  Are there alternative explanations that are more plausible?

We should make sure we are reasoning correctly. To continue to examine the racist issue, people seem to reason that racism has been a huge problem in America.  There are many historical cases, and it still occurs today. Black males get stopped more by the police.  Therefore, the American capitalist system is rampant with racism.  Wait a second.  That conclusion does not follow from the premises and neglects lots of other information. Let’s take another example.  1/5 of journalists are politically liberal.  Much of the mainstream media continually tip their hands as to their liberal bias.  Therefore, journalists are controlled by globalist-leftist leaders like George Soros.  You can see that the conclusion does not follow from the premises.

Apply this to hysteria over Trump the Russian pawn, chemtrails, vaccines, 9/11, Jews ruling the world, racist border security, liberals wanting to destroy America, that _____________ is a fascist.  What am I getting at here?  We all can do a better job of fact-finding and reasoning patiently to solid conclusions. Now it may be true that most human beings tend to interpret facts based on their pre-conceived narratives (See Jonathan Haidt’s, The Righteous Mind). But we can at least reject completely unsubstantiated ideas. This is a call to intellectual virtue, something we desperately need. And what is more, let’s not be afraid to utter those most frustrating words of all: I don’t know.

What the hell?

Recently a friend of mine asked me about hell. I can’t remember his specific question, but he was curious how hell “worked” in Christian teaching. I explained to him that the Bible speaks of hell as separation from God who is our ultimate good (2 Thess. 1:9). The Scriptures speak of hell as a literal place, but they speak of it metaphorically as hot, cold, destruction, decay and so on.  I also explained that the doors of hell are locked from the inside. It’s a place where people can evade a relationship with God for all time. It’s a chosen place of privation, of lack of good.  But it’s also a place of righteous judgment too where wrongs are put right.

The doors of hell are locked from the inside.

This understanding of hell relies on a little deeper reading of the Bible and a consciousness of literary conventions.  For example, the word Jesus uses for hell is gehenna, which was a well-known garbage dump.  He obviously didn’t mean that hell really was gehenna (Matt. 25:30).  Rather hell has rottenness and decay like gehenna. Jesus also speaks of it as outer darkness which sounds like a place that is cold.  In other places he talks of eternal fire (Matt 25:41).  Fire speaks of dissolution or destruction. Biblical scholars usually recognize the metaphorical way that Jesus speaks of hell.

But it this way of looking at hell shuts down the notion that Christianity is exclusive to a small club. Though God offers himself to all in the good news of Jesus, hell is a place where people can choose to live apart from him; it shows how the loving God even allows his image-bearers to choose to reject him in the end.  Instead of God keeping people out, people are keeping God out.

Instead of God keeping people out, people are keeping God out.

Johnny Cash once said something intriguing about hell. He said something like, “we’re not going to hell; we’re already in hell.” Now that may sound like some hipster idea that contradicts the Christian teaching while enjoying every minute of it, but it’s not completely wrong. Because life without God is one of privation (a lack of good).  It’s one where his presence to bless is missing; peace is missing; goodness is missing; wholeness is missing.  It’s one where we are bound in the slavery of many impulses, even good ones, that easily become self-destructive. We see a powerful image of this self-destruction in the drug addict; but we all can so easily become addicted to our own personal drugs. Addictions destroy relationships and all that is good in our lives. So in this sense we already experience a taste of hell right here.  After death, these processes of privation just continue.  All of this is described as a process of God’s wrath, his anger towards that which separates us from him.  Romans 1 describes this exact process as God handing people over to do what they desire to do.

Addictions destroy relationships and all that is good in our lives. So in this sense we already experience a taste of hell right here.

C.S. Lewis wrote about this in his book the Great Divorce.  He pictures hell as a shanty town where people are obsessed with their own twisted desires, living their lives hostile to others and the Creator.  His book is full of tortured souls who want their own way.  One character cannot accept that God would forgive murderers. Another wants to continue his own moral crusade to make hell a better place. Another wants the manipulative control over her son that she had in life. None of them want to go to heaven when given the chance.  Why not?  Because this means surrendering control of their own lives to a God whom they just don’t trust.

A related insight comes from philosopher Peter Kreeft.  “The fires of hell may be made of the very love of God, experienced as torture by those who hate him: the very light of God’s truth, hated and fled from in vain by those who love darkness.”  The Scripture says that God is love and my experience of life confirms that many people hate his love and truth with venom.  Kreeft points out that the very light of God’s love and truth are themselves a torment of those living apart from him in the sub-compartment of the afterlife.

“The fires of hell may be made of the very love of God, experienced as torture by those who hate him” – Peter Kreeft

Much of this raises the question of the possibility of salvation after death.  If you’re curious about this topic, I’ll have to write on it in another post.  Suffice it to say, that I am more committed to Jesus as the way of salvation than I am to the time period that people must receive it.

Additionally this topic raises to mind the question, why bother believing in hell?  Well, first of all, hell as described in this article mirrors the kind of self-destruction that we observe on this side of the afterlife.  That should raise an eyebrow.  But also, hell reminds us that God is a God of justice who will punish sin in the end.  If there is no ultimate judgement, then that leads us to seek vengeance for the wrongs we experience on this side.

This is a mysterious topic. It confronts us with the reality that we are all mortal. We all must die. If it’s true that we must acquiesce to God or remain apart from him, then every moment we remain apart from him is like hell, though we may not know it. There is a deep restlessness in living apart from loving relationship with God. God is the ultimate source of all life, goodness, joy and meaning. Pascal once said that our infinite desires can only be satisfied by an infinite object, namely God himself. Perhaps that’s why Jesus talked more about hell than any other person in the Bible. He wants to warn us about infinite misery of being apart from him and the infinite joy of being with him.  All the while we are content with the next release on Netflix. Our pursuit of distraction is often our own blind effort to not think about death nor the eternal love and justice of God.

For those who want to read more on this topic, here are several books you can pick up:

  1. C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce
  2. C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
  3. C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle (for children and those who love YA lit)
  4. C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain
  5. Peter Kreeft, Heaven, the Heart’s Deepest Longing
  6. Timothy Keller, The Reason for God
  7. Douglas Groothuis, Christian Apologetics

Photo by Hoach Le Dinh on Unsplash


Dystopian Scenarios: 451, Brave New World, 1984, and Lost in the Cosmos.

Remember Ray Bradbury’s dystopian novel Fahrenheit 451? In that story, the government banned books out of a desire to keep people from feeling offended and stupid.  It wasn’t so much a government plot.  Nobody cared anymore about knowing the history or the stories that shaped Western society.  Books became a nuisance to societal order.  So why not get rid of them? And they got rid of them by making firemen into book burners. This science fiction is a little too close to present day fact.  Ignorance and apathy can lead to censorship of ideas we don’t like. Additionally, we have this notion of political correctness today that, while not outright banning books (yet), still tries to revise the history and stories.  Fahrenheit 451 sometimes seems right around the corner.  The true humanists today are already hiding out on the fringes just like in the novels.

Another telling dystopian novel, Brave New World, by Aldous Huxley, pictures the world as a mixture of genetic and social programming.  People are genetically programmed to be either Alphas, Betas, Gammas, Deltas, or Epsilons.  Alphas are the leaders, given extra genetic strength in intellect and physique; Epsilons get the reverse and are reserved for manual labor.  Also, in Brave New World people are controlled by feel-good psychotropic drugs. People are moreover encouraged to live with complete sexual freedom, since the family is no longer necessary to procreate. The West today also is following some of these trends in its use of psychotropic and other kinds of drugs (I’m not condemning the use of all drugs here by the way) and freedom from traditional sexual mores.  The main character in Brave New World rebels from all of this because he realizes his life is artificial and even anti-human.  Eliminate risk and intimacy with others, and you eliminate something essential to humanity.

George Orwell’s 1984 is probably the most well-known dystopian novel.  In this hellish society the government controls all things through constant surveillance, propaganda, disincentivizing of sex and individuality, constant artificial warfare, and the revision of language.  The ultimate goal of the government in 1984 is the elimination of free-thought.  The highest version of controlled thought is “double-think,” accepting contradictions without even noticing them.  1984 makes us think of the modern surveillance state as it has extended into the internet.  There is also a lot of biased media propaganda today and an educational system that pushes relativism.  This rejection of logic today pushes us seriously close to the “double-think” of 1984.

The opposite of dystopia is not really utopia.  It is normal and messy freedom.  Walker Percy’s Lost in the Cosmos asks us what we would choose, a controlled scenario like one of the above or a freer society like what we have now?  In Fahrenheit 451Brave New World, and 1984 we can supposedly get rid of racist people and the “oppressive” Western norms of sex. We can get rid of all the dead, White males who wrote so much of history and literature.  We can reprogram society.  We can find “better living through science.”  In the freedom scenario, we still have to deal with much of the stupidity and ignorance of human nature; we still have differing philosophical and religious views; we still have freedom to live in traditional or nontraditional ways; science has to operate more on the sheer persuasiveness of its ideas.

All these famous dystopias involve social control, the remaking of society via government means into our image instead of what it currently is in all its mess. But perhaps these authors were shock jocks.  Perhaps I am too.  Perhaps you can have social control and freedom too. I myself heed the warnings of the dystopian novelists. What do you think? The future of the human race depends on you.

Photo by C Chapman on Unsplash

Why God intervenes in the world: a short refutation of deism

Deism is the notion that an all-powerful, perfect God exists, but he merely started the process of creation; he never intervenes within it.  Deists hold that this is part of God’s perfection.  He is so great at his job, so to speak, that he never needs to break his laws of physics.  They allege that only a deficient deity would need to so intervene.  This also helps get God off the hook for the existence of evil.  If God intervenes all the time, why doesn’t he do so more often so as to stop evil?

I sympathize with the desire to see God as the most perfect being. I too think he must be perfect.  I also sympathize with those who are grappling with the problem of evil.  But I see some problems with the deist’s reasoning.

First of all, it is a bit presumptuous to suppose that for God to be perfect he would never intervene in his creation.  In fact, many have pointed out that God would be less perfect if he never intervened.  For example, a non-interventionist God would be supremely unconcerned to relate closely to his creation.  That strikes me as an imperfection.  God is essentially a dead-beat dad on deism, an apathetic father. A desire for relationship is one reason that an all-good God would have for intervening in his creation.

Second, if deism is true, it is hard to see how human beings could be created in God’s image.  The image of God is essentially what makes human being distinct from the other animals.  As image bearers, we have a unique responsibility to represent God on this earth.  If we take away this attribute, we may be tempted to exploit the world rather than steward it.   Stewardship requires humility.  Humility was seen as a flaw by Aristotle, one of the earliest deists.  And his view seems consistent with deism.  On deism, why should we seek to care for those who are lower than us on the social strata?  Why should we humble ourselves when we’ve sinned?  God doesn’t give a rip much about it one way or another.  He’s the dead-beat dad, right?  He doesn’t humble himself.

Third, deists often refer to the laws of nature as unalterable.  It would thus make God imperfect to violate his own unchangeable laws.  But why refer to the laws of nature as unalterable? Why not think of them as patterns of God’s sustaining activity?  Then an intervention is not a violation, but it is simply an addition or subtraction of something God is already causing to happen.  Imagine for example, that you are sitting in the famous tree above Sir Isaac Newton.  You are getting ready to drop the famous apple on his famous head.  What stops the apple from descending to the selected target?  It’s the strength of your arm.  You are holding the apple from falling.  Your arm muscles are keeping the apple aloft over Sir Isaac’s head by an addition of power.  This seems to me to be a better analogy about how God could intervene in such a way as that it is not viewed as a violation.

Fourth, the problem of evil is actually worse on deism than on theism.  As I mentioned, you have the dead-beat dad problem on deism.  On theism, you can see that God is working for a greater good.  The allowance of evil can be seen as a greater good because freedom of the will is greater than its lack. The deist could presumably agree with that sentiment.  But without God’s interventions and general oversight of the world, it is hard to see how evil will be defeated in the end.  Perhaps it could become some kind of optimal balance, but could it every really be defeated without God?  Look at human nature for a millisecond and your hopes of that will wither.  But maybe the most important issue here is that without interventions there would be no chance of God incarnate.  God could never suffer along with his children.  This is perhaps the greatest strength of Christianity among the theistic religions of the world.  Not only has God not been silent, but he has made his voice deafeningly clear through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus.  And the irony is that while most deists would be skeptical of the resurrection, it is the part of the Christian creed with the greatest amount of evidence.

While deism is a welcome half-way house between atheism and theism, it is a difficult place to remain.  Theism is a welcoming respite to the lonely deist.  It is calling.  Come back into the hospitality of God.

What kind of mind do you have?

I was surprised recently when my friend parroted back to me something I had told him about the mind.  This concept helped him understand how his own mind worked better.  It’s an idea from one of my favorite philosophers, Blaise Pascal. He says that some people are intuitive reasoners and others are mathematical reasoners. Intuitive reasoners often know things by sheer insight.  Mathematical reasoners reason from principles. Intuitors are more poetic. Mathematicians are more linear. It’s essentially the difference between poets and scientists.

What’s interesting is that intuitors often cannot understand mathematicians and vice-versa. The intuitors leap to ethical conclusions, for example, without thinking through many of their conclusions. Mathematicians need to see the steps of how we got there.  The refusal to see things from the other point of view often causes us to miss common ground. Perhaps an intuitor has gotten to the same place that the reasoner did only by different means. For example, perhaps one person believes abortion is wrong by intuitive means and another has gotten there by reasoning from the full humanity and independent DNA of those in utero.

One way for us to overcome this divide is for the mathematical people to read literature and poetry and the poetic people to read up on philosophy, logic, and science. But barring that, let’s at least remember that conclusions can be reached by different means. Then we begin to learn to appreciate the gifts of those who are wired differently than us. It occurs to me that some of the greatest minds in history, such as Plato, Aristotle, Einstein, and C.S. Lewis have been gifted with both ways of seeing the world. Appreciating both can open the way to astounding new discoveries, overcoming life-challenges, and even defeating some of humanity’s most difficult problems.


What would I want to tell those I care about?

I just finished Jordan Peterson’s book, 12 Rules for Life.  I found it extremely insightful, provoking, even inspirational.  He ended the book by writing his thoughts on various problems and people in his life.  One of the overarching principles of the book is to tell the truth or at least don’t lie.  I began thinking about what I wanted to say to many people whom I care deeply about (including myself).  A lot of times we don’t tell people what we need to because perhaps we are afraid it will offend them.  So without further ado, I present to you a little truth-telling, things that I think it’s important for those I care about to know.


Truth is utterly important; you need to investigate truth in every area of life. Truth cannot just be felt but must be investigated.  This is because 90% truth can be mixed with 10% lie which will lead to building your house on sand.  Many people, instead of seeking truth, seek acceptance from peers.  This is a major trap.

Forgive your Parents

Forgive your father and mother for their faults.  That forgiveness will bring healing to your soul just as it will towards their souls.  Your parents are always your parents, no matter how much they fail.  Not forgiving them will scar your own life more than pay them back for whatever they may have done to you.  Forgiveness does not mean letting someone hurt you repeatedly, having no boundaries, or being naive.  It means not paying that person back for their sins, letting go of your need for that.  Don’t let anyone or anything poison your relationship with your family.

Uncomfortable Relationships

Move towards uncomfortable relationships, even with people that you might not normally befriend. So many of us live in relational enclaves, echo chambers, surrounding ourselves with only those people who never challenge us to think or live differently.  Granted, we can’t be very deep friends with people we have nothing in common with, but there are people who hold different viewpoints than us who still have a lot in common with us.


Know who your real friends are. Many people who you think are your friends are really not.  The moment your attractiveness fades and trouble rears its head in your life, many of these people will abandon ship. Figure out who the real friends are and spend time with them.

Anxiety of Others

Don’t let other people’s anxiety and controlling tendencies get to you.  You don’t have to take that on or try to fix them.  Don’t let others’ anxiety smother you.  Make sure to make room for some self-care, solitude, and other disciplines that bring you nearer to God and yourself when around them.  


Continue to strive to work on yourself and your marriage.  Don’t give into the lie that marriage can be easy as pie.  It’s a sacrificial endeavor where we have to die to ourselves, but that brings new life.  Marriage is for others, not just yourself.  Hold your spouse accountable while still finding your true life and value in God.  Communicate clearly and apologize when you blow it.

Investigate Jesus

Investigate Jesus more.  He’s more than a spiritual teacher.  He’s more than one guide among many.  He is THE guide whom all the other guides, when they were speaking rightly, were ultimately pointing to.  He is the the TRUE life, the way, the truth, the resurrection, the living water.  He doesn’t exclude you or others but always lovingly invites you to come to him.  And don’t you think it’s peculiar that there is so much evidence for his life, death, and even resurrection?  If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then it’s time to investigate.

Find your Life

Seek to find your life in God.  Many of us say we believe in God, Christianity and so on, but we don’t have much of an actual relationship with God.  When you begin to truly experience his love, that will begin to transform you into an increasingly loving person, the person you know you were made to be.

Life in God isn’t formulaic

Don’t get too hung up on some kind of formula in your relationship with God.  Prayer, and Scripture reading are key, but there is also meditation on Scripture, listening for his voice, solitude, silence and being out in nature.  Eric Liddell, the Scottish Olympian and missionary, used to feel God’s pleasure when he was running.  I feel it when I do jiu-jitsu, when I get to speak, or when I write.  Maybe you feel it when you are engaging in something you were called to do.

Work on yourself before society

Work on yourself before you work on society.  I haven’t always been the best example of this.  But how are we going to change others if we ourselves are not a good example?  We can’t go out there on a crusade to change everything in society unless we are living out a better version of what it is we critique.

Narrow your focus

Narrow your focus.  If you are interested in lots of stuff, being excellent demands that you hone in and focus on a few of those areas.  Personally, I’ve struggled with this.  It takes self-knowledge to figure out what we should focus on.  Every choice to cultivate one thing means not doing other things.  Be willing to make a choice and go for it, even when that closes you off to other possibilities.  Further, God will be with you and use you in any number of areas, not just “religious” vocations.

Trust, don’t freak out

Remember to trust the Lord, especially if you are an anxious person.  God is probably putting you in places that show you clearly that you have less control than you thought.  That’s ok.  “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your path” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Now to practice what I preach.  Shalom.

Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash



Blaise Pascal’s three ways to know truth from bullshit

Tradition, reason, and experience.  Whether we know it or not, these three ways lead us to our creeds.  Some believe out of tradition, simply following what their ancestors taught.  Others believe because of reason, investigating arguments that lead them to rational conclusions.  Others believe out of existential experience, finding more poetic and inspirational ways to knowledge.  Whether one’s position is secular or religious, these three ways guide our footsteps.

Many of us are skeptical of tradition.  We recognize that tradition is not always a safe method of finding the truth.  But we ought not be overconfident about that.  G.K. Chesterton once called tradition the “democracy of the dead.”  It ought to have some staying power because it represents the votes of our forebears.  For this reason, I’m unwilling to throw out all tradition.  In fact, we need tradition, and if we don’t follow our family’s tradition we will simply look for some other tradition to link up with.  Many traditions in our modern milieu can look utterly non-religious.  They may take the form of a club, a sport, a philosophy, let alone a religion. Traditions usually have some form of repetitive rituals that give meaning to a community.  Traditions also may include Scripture, the notion that a higher order of intelligence, such as God or the gods, has revealed certain things to be true. Scripture has advantages if true because it allows humans to access something beyond the normal realm of human investigation.  At the same time, it seems to me that any claim of Scripture should be open to verification or falsification. In our secular culture, we often experience the cross-pressures of many different traditions. There may be political, religious, and social traditions, pulling us in different directions.  Tradition provides a pattern of life we can conform to that may have more wisdom than anything we can come up with on our own.

Reason has been trumpeted by the new atheists as the ultimate arbiter of truth.  I actually, though not an atheist, partially agree with them on this statement. Without reason, belief claims appear vapid and void of all substance. Just like in Orwell’s novel 1984, 2+2 could then equal five.  Yet there is still a problem with a naive faith in reason; if our character is distorted, that will influence how we interpret the facts and evidence.  Since people are so easily swayed by emotions, traditions, pop-culture, moral practices, and personal psychology, these will affect our reasoning processes.  In other words, reason will always be limited by the character of the reasoner.  At the same time, the tradition and existential experience have no basis without reason.  We must be have strong evidence to support our beliefs.

Existential experience is a powerful pull for people today. Many, if not most in Western culture, are what sociologists have termed “expressive individualists.” Philosopher James Smith defines this as the tendency to see life as something that we each individually need to realize for ourselves. We believe that we are called to express that way of life rather than conform it to models given to us or imposed by others. The goal of life is therefore authenticity rather than living out a tradition or a reasonable point of view. A quick glance at our fascination with actors and musicians will verify our commitment to the expressive way of life. Many also look to the pragmatic to determine truth, to what works versus what doesn’t work.  The expressive individualists have a point in all this. We ought to seek know ourselves, and this is an intensely personal and individual quest. But at what cost do we express ourselves when the facts and external reality are at odds with us? This is where tradition and reason can help sort out our true-selves from our muddled false-selves. Harry Frankfurt points out in his masterful book, On Bullshit, that it is impossible to be authentic unless there is a truth about ourselves that we can be authentic about. And generally speaking, reason and tradition help experience find that truth.

The philosopher and inventor Blaise Pascal once pointed out that every religion has tradition and experience. But no religion but Christianity has reason. That’s a very strong claim. And Pascal’s statement applies not just to religions but also non-religious views of the world. Now, I can’t begin to defend this claim as a whole in this article.  That would take an entire book.  But let’s look at the claim briefly. Did you realize that we have very little historical access to most religious claims? Most religions are set so far into the past that historians cannot access them, and most do not depend on historical facts being true anyways. The great monotheistic religions of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam do have much overlap with history, however. This adds a huge evidential component. The claims can be investigated.  Along with history, we also have to ask whether a religion or a philosophy is coherent or not. Without naming names, I’ll just put out there that many religions and philosophies, while containing beauty and even promoting goodness, are incoherent. They make claims that are self-refuting or logic denying.  Pascal claims that only Christianity can truly pass the test of reason. The only way to find out if that’s true would be to investigate it for yourself.  Maybe you’ll come up with different conclusions.

In the pursuit of truth, tradition, reason, and experience each play a crucial role.  Might it be that some have only used one or two of these means of discovery when all three can shed light on the truth? Truth ultimately is the most beautiful thing we can find, even when it may bring pain and loss.  Discovering truth is much like what St. Paul said in his letter to the Corinthians.  “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him” (1 Cor. 2:9).  If that or something much like that is true, who wouldn’t want to know it?